


I Was Counting My Steps

by bythelightofthenight



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: 5+1 Things, Established Relationship, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 13:35:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20507861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bythelightofthenight/pseuds/bythelightofthenight
Summary: “It's all mostly Ray’s. I didn't really bring that much with me when I moved here.” Patrick set down his bag and took a seat on the bed to untie his shoes.“Sounds kind of like what we did. Except we grabbed everything we possibly could.”Patrick laughed softly. “You got all your clothes at least.”“Sure... all of them.”//five added scenes of healing to canon + one of serenity post canon





	I Was Counting My Steps

**Author's Note:**

> she says she's back.... then does nothing for another near year...... i'm she. 
> 
> it's hard writing somewhere different, all new voices, but schitt's creek's my new home show. i tried to actually take my time too.. hate editing, it's no fun. 
> 
> this is sorta just like missing scenes in the theme of working things out, growing as a person etcetc basically a 5 times david was healing + 1 time it really showed but didn't call it that bc it's not exactly a process w a clear finish line.
> 
> this is dedicated to mara who lived s5 w me

1

“So in a way it’s like we’re both starting something new.”

Patrick’s teasing let his shoulders drop. He knew he didn’t have to bare his soul to prove to Patrick he cared. The moment they shared was enough for now. 

David would probably never be good at talking about his feelings freely. He wasn’t raised like that, like Patrick. Kind, patient, looked at you like you were the center of the universe, Patrick. Patrick carried genuineness like a badge of honor. He was quick on his feet and never failed to have the last word, but he didn’t have a dishonest bone in his body. 

It was part of what drew him in. The straight-leg, small town boy air of him that David always thought was the last thing he’d find appealing. He didn't personally enjoy the aesthetic, but there was something about the straightforward caring the people of Schitt's Creek kept showing him and his family. Direct and unconditional love wasn't something he knew. But he wanted to.

He'd grown to be a cautious dreamer. There were too many things that could go wrong and too many did. And yet, Patrick kept bringing him down from the acid cloud of doubt. This could be something they both tried gently. 

“Right. Ray’s.” David eyed the house with the least possible enthusiasm. After the day he'd had, the man’s bursts of hospitality were the last thing he needed. But Patrick had asked him to come over after everything was cleared and they'd gone to get dinner together. He still needed a place to sleep. 

“He's not home. Not that that means anything. He just really likes to chat. All the time. So we'll have some privacy. To talk I mean. I'll stop talking now.”

He caught Patrick’s attention with a hand on his waist. Their fifth kiss was just as sweet as the first. “Right”, David said with a nod. “Talking and sleeping. We've cleared that.” 

“Yes. I don't know why I'm nervous right now.” Always the genuine one.

“Never brought a boy up to your room before?”

“Think of what the townsfolk will say.”

The house was dark as they stepped in. Patrick led him up the stairs without bothering with a proper tour. The temporariness of his living situation was clear in Patrick's room from the flowery wallpaper to the desk barely fitting the mountains of files and books covering it. His and Alexis’ motel room was about as personalized as this room.

“It's all mostly Ray’s. I didn't really bring that much with me when I moved here.” Patrick set down his bag and took a seat on the bed to untie his shoes. 

Even the pictures on the walls were clearly Ray’s shots from his business. 

“Kind of a new start.”

“Sounds kind of like what we did. Except we grabbed everything we possibly could.”

Patrick laughed softly. “You got all your clothes at least.”

“Sure... all of them.”

David let his own bag drop to the floor as he inched towards the bed. Patrick tracked the movement with his eyes before patting the bed next to him. 

“Come on. Come here.”

As much as he wanted to curl up into Patrick's side and feel the surely scratchy throw beneath his fingertips, he wouldn't be able to relax yet. “Um, actually... I have a routine. Skincare, that kind of stuff.”

“Okay. So you wanna take the bathroom first?”

“Maybe you go. I'll be -- It takes a while.” He cringed at his own words. It wasn't like his on-the-go routine was that excessive. It was just one of the things that made him a handful... ostentatious, _difficult_. Not his own words. 

“Sure.” Patrick simply got up and moved past him with a gentle kiss to his cheek. 

Alone suddenly, he began to see different details. The small frame on the dresser was turned so it faced towards the bed, two parents with bright smiles and a young boy between them with muddy white pants and a toothy grin. Maybe Patrick's parents? Two wholly ordinary looking people. 

A heavy book with dozens of folded page corners peeked from under the nightstand. David loved to pretend he'd look into it later. 

Maybe it was Patrick's space after all, simply moderated by situational facts. He relaxed into the thought a little. Then the man in question was returning with a now minty fresh kiss to his cheek. David was definitely into the tentatively developing physical contact. 

“You stood here the whole time?” Patrick asked as he handed over a soft towel. 

He recovered quickly. “Was just getting used to the glare of the wallpaper.”

“I picked that wallpaper”, Patrick deadpanned. 

David faltered for only a quarter of a second before knowing he was kidding. He didn't date people who chose _that_ wallpaper. If dating was what this was. 

Instead of falling into that particular pit of thoughts he picked up his bag again. “You wish your creative choices were up there yet.” 

“Ouch”, Patrick said with a grin. 

David escaped his own matching one to the bathroom. 

When he did let Patrick take him to bed, it was a gently awkward shuffle of limbs under the covers. He got a few more kisses in as they lied together. There was a thrill in how Patrick's breath caught at the feel of his stubble against his skin. Nothing to upset the balance of sweetness and going slow. In the dark he could see Patrick's smile.

“What?”

“I don't know. I feel like... when you're a kid and you go to bed the night before a big trip. Like you just want to be asleep already so it'd be morning sooner but you can't because you're so excited.”

“Hm, I don't know. I usually just dreaded big trips. Milan isn't like _the_ most fun place for an eight-year-old.”

Patrick just watched him.

“But, um, how... does that apply. To me? Now.”

His eyes might as well have sparkled. “It's almost hard to stay in the moment because you're so excited to see what's coming.”

Warmth pooled in his cheeks as he attempted to control the emotions flooding his face. “That's... a very sweet thing to say.”

“And I don't mean just, like, sex.”

The grin took over and David let it. “Uh-huh.”

“But also I don't _not_ mean sex.”

“Yeah, no, I gathered as much.” 

Patrick's smile must have hurt his cheeks. He kissed it off his face just so he wouldn't strain anything. 

//

2

“You really are a handful.” 

David ignored the half pun whispered against his lips while Patrick’s hands were firmly on his ass. “It's part of the charm.”

“It really is.” Patrick got him up against the wall of the fresh motel room to slot a thigh between his. “I missed every part of it.”

The sincerity still caught him off guard. It probably shouldn't have but a week of distance had left its mark. He wanted to curl up around the feeling of it in his chest. 

“I, uh, missed you too. A lot.”

His words seemed to spur Patrick on as he hurried to help peel off his heavy sweater before burying his face in David's neck. He breathed heavily and groped to feel more of his hips and thighs. David let him bring up one of his legs and rut against him with intent. 

It would've been the easiest thing to switch his brain offline and enjoy everything Patrick was interested in giving to him. But something felt different now. 

“Babe, okay, hey, wait.”

Patrick quickly leaned back to meet his eyes. He already looked so disheveled and _delicious_ David had to revisit the plan of letting him have his way with him immediately. “What is it?” 

“Should we maybe, um, talk? Before falling right back into it. Not that I'm complaining. You are -- All of you is very nice.”

Patrick carefully let his leg down and straightened himself out. “Of course. Anything.” And why was _that_ so hot. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, I got carried away.” 

David shook his head to clear it. “No, it's – all good. On the bed, maybe. Get comfortable.” The random Elmdale motel felt beautifully distant from everyone and everything of Schitt’s Creek in that moment, like they had all the time in the world instead of the few hours of the night. 

Patrick offered him his sweater back as they settled side by side on the bed, but he refused. He needed his bravery on show tonight. A thin white t-shirt was all he got.

“We haven't talked about pasts for a reason. I'm not sure what you wanna do.”

Patrick's brow furrowed. “What I want? I broke your trust, David. There's nothing you need to make up for anymore.”

“Besides being selfish, I know...”

“No, I accepted your olive branch, okay? It's okay.”

“Okay, but I still don't exactly trust my choices when it comes to emotional stuff, so.” He linked their hands together at their sides. Patrick's thumb running over the back of his hand soothed his spiking nerves. “There's nothing to tell that you don't already know or haven't guessed. But also there's everything. Details for days. I-I was a different person then... kind of. My life was different, I lived around different things. Things that weren't good for me.”

“You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I just want you to know that whatever it is, I'm not here to judge you.”

A smile tried to break through. David bit his lip. “You don't know what kind of shitty things I've done. Or let people do to me.” 

“I don't have to know that to know how you are now. I know you now.” 

Being known wasn't what he did. He tried to live with an air of pretend aloofness to hold the distance that kept him unharmed. Patrick looked right through it each and every time. 

They met in a kiss in the middle. David sank into, tugging Patrick closer, further, to sit on top of his thighs. He mapped out the expanse of his back, pressing his fingertips into muscle to feel him closer. But he'd forgotten something. Pulling back, David cleared his throat. 

“Tell me about your fiancée.”

Patrick blinked at him for a while as he caught his breath. He shifted on David's thighs to adjust the front of his jeans. “Ex fiancée.”

“Did you talk to her?”

“I did.”

“Was it your first time coming out?”

His mouth opened and closed before he found his voice. “Oh... I guess it was.” 

David took his hands again. “How'd it feel?”

“Pretty good. Though the situation was shitty. But telling her that I'm... that I'm gay. It was like finally fitting the pieces together. The result wasn't what she wanted, or expected, but it was a resolution to 15 years of hesitation and uncertainty.” Patrick squeezed his hands gently. “I was engaged before and I've done most of the expected steps of a relationship until then. But I was always looking for a sign, for an out. I could never feel like I was committing myself fully.”

David's eyes were starting to sting dangerously. 

A private smile curled the corners of Patrick's mouth upwards. “And I know how the word commitment makes you feel.”

He made a non-committal noise, voice wavering. 

“But I am committed to this. To you. You, the store, this town. I'm in the chapter I want.”

David had to blink rapidly at the ceiling for a few moments before he could drag Patrick into a tight hug. He knew the words and how he felt but they weren't ready to come out yet. As much as his trust had been trampled and stomped on, he'd never felt it get back up quite as steadily as now, simply for the chance of having _this_ with the man that had so unexpectedly walked into his life. 

“That's the right thing to say. Now take off your clothes.”

Patrick rolled his eyes but didn't bother with a comeback in order to throw off his shirt and dive into a kiss.

//

3

“It'll go away, David.”

He huffed and set down his phone for the eleventh time. His face was itching even worse than before and he was miserable. The view of his front camera certainly wasn't helping. 

“What if it doesn't? What if it scars?”

“It probably won't if you don't scratch it.”

“But it won't stop itching. I googled it and I could get blisters. On my _face_.”

Patrick came over to sit on the front office couch with him. His clothes still smelled of the strange room he'd stayed in for the past night. “It's not the end of the world, I promise.”

“Would you date someone with blisters on their face? I might have to dump myself for you.”

“I'm not dumping you over a rash, David”, he said calmly. “You still have your body.”

“You're unhelpful and not funny.” He'd still take the compliment. 

“Your dad did take care of things, though, right?”

David sighed heavily, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling. “Yes. I just didn't appreciate the whole blaming me right away thing. Like, I'm running a successful business here. We were doing them a favor. I say them but I mean Stevie; to make it easier to deal with his excitement.”

“Maybe he's a bit stressed out about his business too. It couldn't have been easy to start trying again after everything his old business went through.”

His dad had been putting a lot of time and effort into lifting up the motel. Patrick was usually right but David was allowed at least a day to complain after retaining a literal injury to the _face_ from his dad’s bumbling. “Well... he still didn't need to take the first opportunity to throw things in my face – quite literally.”

“I agree.”

He let Patrick wrap an arm around his shoulders. “You should. You're on my team.”

“We're doing teams now?”

“Don't get excited. I still won't join any sports team.”

“Well... as long as you're on my team, I guess.”

David leaned against his side. Patrick took his hand to play with the rings on his fingers. 

“I guess I just... I don't know. Wanted him to be proud of the store. The store’s done nothing wrong. It's an honest and respectful business. It was built – basically from nothing. Hard work was put... into it.”

“It is. You've worked really hard.”

“I mean... you've done some things too.”

Patrick hummed in agreement. “Thanks.” 

“I've just – I've never had this. I thought I did but I didn't. And now I do. Who wouldn't be proud of it?”

“_You_ can be proud of it. You have every reason to be proud of yourself. And I'm sure your family is too, in their own way. They love the store. They wouldn't be stealing as much if they didn't.”

“I guess.” He hid a smile into Patrick's collar. 

“And I'm proud of you, also. It was always a great idea.”

“I'm – Thank you.”

“You're welcome. Now, you think you can survive the night without scratching or should you come stay with me to make sure?”

David smirked as he moved to let him off the couch, before managing to smooth out his expression. “I think we just shouldn't take risks.”

Patrick held out his hand. “Come on then.”

//

4

He'd said he was easy either way, in the relief of the moment, in the habit of lightening the air of emotions around them. But the more he thought of it, he really, really wasn't. 

If Patrick had done... the words Alexis suggested, he still probably would've taken him back. He wished he could say he wouldn't but it was Patrick. Although, _his_ Patrick wouldn't do that to him – and didn't. There wasn't an easy equation to this particular train of anxiety thoughts.

It had been over a year and still he fell for his own mind’s games. Let off a bit and they'll come running back – it's what his socialite friends had taught him. Had it ever worked for him? Suppose he didn't have much experience trying it out. His relationships weren't that long or solidified to begin with. And they unraveled way before he could get any sort of technique going. He was usually the one left out of the loop and out of control in the relationship. 

He wondered if it had been a panic move. He and Patrick were comfortable, they were steady. They were in love. That terrified and thrilled him to equal measures. Attention and affection were intoxicating and intoxication he knew. Love was safety. It was only a matter of time he'd start fighting it, right? 

It made sense to him that Patrick would want to see what's out there. He was with one woman for ages, single for only short breaks in between. He came out right into a relationship with David. On top of that, people did that, people got bored of each other or needed a reminder of what they had. Not that he did. Patrick was way more than he'd dared to dream of having in his life. He was good and kind and _loved_ him. David had learned monogamy was absolutely what he enjoyed despite all those years of agreeing it wasn't in style. It was life experience specifically that told him he clearly didn't know how to read the signs of it.

“I don't think I'm good either way.”

Patrick lifted his head, letting off his cock. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and raised his brows at him. “Huh?”

“I don't think I'm okay. With you seeing other people.”

Patrick sat up between his legs, worry taking over confusion on his face. “I'm not seeing other people.”

“In theory either. I would like you to... not.” 

“I told you I won't. It's nice that you worry about me but it's not something I'm concerned about. I don't actually want to kiss Ken or anyone else.”

“Do you not secretly want a threesome then either?”

Patrick leveled him with a look. “Do you want to be having threesomes?”

He shook his head quickly. Never really so far in life. 

“I can safely say I'm not looking for that either.”

David held his gaze for a long time. “So you're content and satisfied with our... monogamy.”

Patrick shook his head lightly. “You say it like it's a bad word. David, I like being in a relationship. I don't miss dating. I love being with you. I have everything I need right here. Can you trust my word on it?”

He took a second too long to reply and Patrick's face fell. Before he could say anything else, David let out a frustrated breath. 

“It's always ended. I don't get how something... won't end. I mean, sure, death. But someone loving me. Day after day. I won't change from this”, he waved a hand over himself. “I have changed. But my life changed, everything changed. I'm still me and what I am is just... not the forever kind.”

Patrick thought for a moment, his face kind. “But you see a future with us.”

It didn't seem to be a question. 

“Yes, but --”

He cut in immediately. “No but. There doesn't need to be a but. We build this the way we want to. You and I will be together if we want to.”

For all that he had going through his mind, anxiety letting doubt leak over the growth he'd had throughout their relationship, the answer to that he knew without hesitation.

“I want to.”

“I do too.”

David smiled first at his lap, then at Patrick. He got a dazzling grin back. 

“Now, do you want me to”, Patrick nodded to his mostly soft cock. 

“No, I -- Maybe just come here for a minute.” He opened his arms for him. 

Patrick tucked him back into his boxers, the gentleman he was, before settling to his side and burying his face in his neck. 

David pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I'm sorry I made you getting the number such a big deal.” 

“It's okay. I shouldn't have agreed to the whole thing. I was just kind of excited that someone saw me as gay, just like that. And it was flattering.”

“Should I flatter you more then?”

“No, I think you flatter me an okay amount.”

“Was me being jealous hot?”

“Not really, no.”

“Okay, good, ‘cause I didn't like it.” 

“Okay, David.”

//

5

David didn't look up from his phone when he heard Patrick stepping out of the bathroom. Switching off the lights and checking the front door, he rounded his usual routine. David knew it without seeing it. He did glance up at the thought of sharing his ideas for tomorrow's dinner plans. There was a new restaurant that had just opened in Elmdale and it sounded unnervingly good. 

He ended up catching Patrick's eyes passing over him slowly. “Um, hello.”

“Yes?” Patrick gave him a lopsided grin before dropping his dirty workout clothes into the hamper. 

David was lying on his side, propped up on his elbow, but now with Patrick's attention on him he stretched out on the bed. “You good? Everything alright?”

“You've been really great these past days with the rehearsals and everything.”

“Uh-huh”, he bit his lip as Patrick got on the bed and crawled over him. “I am known to be very giving.”

Patrick pushed up his thighs, dropping kisses to the side of his jaw as he settled between them. “You should be compensated for all your efforts.” He got a hand up David's shirt and scratched lightly through the hair on his chest. 

“And I did the baseball.”

Patrick laughed into his neck. “You did. What do you want?” 

“What do _I_ want?” He leaned back his head to give him more room to mouth at his neck. “Great question.”

Rising up on his haunches, Patrick peeled off his shirt. “I'm gonna blow you.” 

“What happened to what I want?”

“You don't want me to suck your dick?” 

“I didn't say that.” 

Patrick raised his brows. David wriggled out of his own shirt and threw it on the floor. He ran a hand slowly down from his neck to the waistband of his boxers, not giving a second thought to sucking in his stomach as he arched his back. Patrick licked his lips. 

With little shuffling he got David out of his boxers and his cock in his mouth. Patrick had learned quickly how he liked to be taken apart, his mouth sloppy and enthusiastic. He had his eyes shut and David had to tap at his shoulder to get him to look up before the only word he knew was ‘yes’. 

“The”, David reached over to the nightstand and handed him a glove and lube, “can you?”

The technically fantastic sex David had had in his old life didn't hold a candle to Patrick's fervor for making him feel good. He'd managed a quick confidence in touching David – and touch he did. David found himself wholly defenseless when Patrick's eyes were on him and he moved with such unimaginable care. He'd never felt comfortable with prolonged eye contact during sex but, now, watching Patrick's face shift as they came together was a craving. 

With Patrick's mouth on him and two fingers in him, David came clutching his shoulders with his thighs. Patrick swallowed with a passing grimace. 

“You know you don't have to do that.” He wiped some saliva off his boyfriend’s chin. 

“I know you don't like a mess.” 

David shuddered through an aftershock as he pulled out his fingers. “That makes me sound awful.” 

“I like being practical.” Patrick rolled off the glove and dropped it in the trash before running his hands over his thighs and hips. “Are you good?”

“I'm great. Should do you favors more often.”

Patrick cast his eyes at the ceiling. “Okay, David.”

“You can fuck me, come on.” He reached for a condom and dropped it on the bed. Patrick's boxers were soaked through. “Wanna watch you come.”

“Fuck”, Patrick sighed. He got out of his boxers and rolled on the condom, giving himself a few slicked strokes under David's watchful eye. 

“Come on, honey”, he slid a hand up Patrick's chest to pinch at a nipple. 

It was a steady, slow thrust and he was full and Patrick's face was contorting like he’d lost his breath. In the time it took for him to steady himself, David stroked his arms gently. Patrick moved tentatively, picking up the pace while David made a soft noise in his throat on each snap of his hips. Ten years younger and he would've already been more than ready to come again, but with Patrick gasping above him, he was fairly unbothered by the thought. Patrick came and slumped over him, his forehead resting on his chest. 

Petting the back of his head calmingly, David waited for him to find control of his limbs again. They'd settle in side by side after Patrick disposed of the condom. Patrick would turn his head to the side to smile at him. He'd smile back because there hadn't been many times between them when he didn't want to. Patrick's eyes would already be slipping closed. David would press a kiss to the corner of his mouth in a goodnight. 

//

+1

The grass was damp behind the motel where they dragged a couple of chairs. David had had a few more glasses of champagne since the night took a turn for the worse, so he could overlook the fact that his shoes were not good for it. Stevie slumped in her chair and dug out a lighter. She took her time lighting the joint she'd made appear from thin air while he stared at the tree line further away. 

After an hour and a half his mother had still not emerged from the closet. The four of them had sat around in the other room while his dad kept talking with her through the door. Alexis promised to take the next turn once he needed a break. David wasn't exactly volunteering. He was going to take his star-of-the-show fiancé straight home and fall asleep in his arms. 

Stevie had made a less than subtle motion with her hand and nodded towards the door. He'd left a sweet kiss on Patrick's cheek before wandering outside after her. 

“Sorry your announcement got ruined”, she held out the joint to him. 

He nodded. “Sorry your debut performance got overshadowed.”

“I really didn't want that attention in the first place so...” She hugged her knees to her chest and stared out to the trees as well. 

“You deserve it, though. You out there today? It was breathtaking.” 

Stevie rolled her eyes but she had a pleased smile on her lips. “It did feel good.”

“You actually killed it. I was under the impression that Patrick was the main event but you – you were the leading lady.”

“Your mom really pushed me through it. Which kinda makes this even shittier. We can't do anything for her now.”

He hummed in agreement in between drags. “I think she just fell high, you know? The show turned out better than she could've imagined and then these news just... shot her out of the sky.”

“She still wants outta here.”

“She's the only one.” David turned to face her. She just stared back for a long time, her dark eyes unreadable in the low light. 

“You're gonna get married.”

The words pushed at his chest unlike anything else could. “I mean, you knew before me.”

Stevie shrugged. “You could've said no.” He raised his brows and she folded immediately. “Yeah, I did.”

“You're _my_ guest, though. Just so you know.”

“Oh, I know.”

They sat in silence for a while, passing the joint back and forth until it was gone. 

“You know”, he had to clear his throat to fight the sudden thickness of it, “no matter what happens with my mom. You're part of any family decision that might come up.”

“It's not that I don't believe you. I just don't wanna be the one thing standing in the way of your dad doing right by your mom”, Stevie let out a sigh. “God that sounds dramatic.” 

“Well, drama’s the one thing you can't upstage my mom in.”

She met his eyes. David cracked a smile first. They burst into giggles together.

“How are you so calm with all this?” Stevie asked once the laughter softened into quiet smiles.

“I think these are holding me together”, he played with one of his rings. He couldn't really talk yet about what they meant to him. Just thinking about it made him lose his breath. He had a future waiting as real as the gold against his skin. “Something like trust, I guess.”

She took his hand when prompted, pointedly looking in the opposite direction as he laced their fingers together.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm @ davidrosey on tumblr


End file.
